Death in Defiance

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Daily thoughts | 19 november 2024

I haven't posted in a few days. That's because I kinda killed myself with lack of sleep. I don't even know what happened this week, it's like I burned the week out of my memory. Last night I finally got some decent sleep, and now I’m going to bed right after writing this post. I’ll get back on track, or at least I’ll try to post daily again.

Things I’ll be focusing on once I’m back on my feet:

1. I want to read at least parts of Fichte’s Reden an die deutsche Nation. I was skimming through it a few weeks ago and turns out it’s way more than just a call to nationalism. It has a lot of philosophy and metaphysics that seem completely unrelated. I’d be really into diving into that.

2. Similarly, I’d like to re-read Hegel’s Grundlinien der Philosophie des Rechts and compare it with what I’ve been reading in Haller’s Restauration der Staatswissenschaft. I've been following Nigel Carlsbad for a while now on wordpress, substack, and twitter, especially his super well-researched writings:

These are the ones about Haller, but there’s plenty more. A few other examples:

3. Finally, I want to read Historia Polski, 1572-1795 by Urszula Augustyniak. Looks interesting.

Goodnight, I think I’m already a zombie (it’s 5:30—yeah, that checks out!).

(Daily thoughts) - [19.11.2024, 6:00]

Daily thoughts 2

Hi friends, good evening.

Sorry for writing so late, everything has been a bit messed up lately. Last night I didn’t sleep at all, I only went to bed at 8 in the morning and woke up at 12 noon. Actually, I don’t remember exactly what I was doing during the night. Somewhere around 1 AM I took some methlphenidate, but it started messing me up a bit, so I took some Xanax my brother left at my house. I felt good, I wrote all night, but nothing good enough to share.

I was tired all day, but luckily my classes were canceled. I could stay at home again and sleep. While I was awake, I read a little about medieval German history. I took this book called Universitätsstift und Kollegium in Prag, Wien und Heidelberg: eine vergleichende Untersuchung spätmittelalterlicher Stiftungen im Spannungsfeld von Herrschaft und Genossenschaft when I was at the library (Jagiellońska). It has such a long title, but the book is really fascinating. I’m not that far into it yet, but I think this will help me with my project.

I haven’t eaten today yet. I think I’ll go find something in the kitchen. If I’m still awake, maybe I’ll write another post.

Take care.

(Daily) - [14.11.2024, 23:30]

Daily thoughts 1

Good day,

It’s already noon in my city, but it’s really cold outside. When I go outside, I feel like I’m freezing. Because of this, I decided to let you know what’s up with me.

This morning I missed the train to school, but I didn’t want to wait for the next one, so I went back home. My dad is not here now, so I am safe from getting hit in the head, haha! I don’t like my school or my friends. Everyone there is so dumb. I wish I knew people who are smart, but you can’t find them here. These apartment blocks only produce the lowest minds.

Right now I am reading about the German university system of Humboldt. It has two main principles: ‘Wissenschaft’ and ‘Bildung’. The first one, ‘Wissenschaft’, is very important for my favorite authors like Hegel, Fichte, Goethe, Schleiermacher, etc. I want to do a conceptual history (‘Begriffsgeschichte’) of this term in relation to the German university.

The history of universities in Europe is very interesting. At the beginning, in medieval universities, they studied the trivium: grammar, rhetoric, and logic. Then they moved on to studying the quadrivium: arithmetic, music (applied arithmetic), geometry, astronomy (applied geometry). Sometimes you can also study theology, law, or medicine. I would definitely choose theology. They only read Aristotle, calling him 'the Philosopher,' which is true. The German system seems similar to this model, but in a Lutheran context. German rigor is unmatched in academia. Maybe I will be able to go to a German university.

I have to go now, I forgot that I have a piano lesson in the center. Thanks for reading.

(Daily) - [13.11.2024, 13:17]

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